To my future wife.
Hi, hello! I’m in the sixth grade of elementary school.
As I’m practically a man now, I realize I must begin to think about what kind of wife I will marry when I grow up.
You will probably be very kind, and believe in Jesus, because that is my ideal type.
And you must be very good at piano, so when I sing hymns, you can play for me, and my five sons will play guitar for me backstage. Five sons are good, don’t you think? I hope my sons will grow up to be fine, strong men like me. We will be a very musical family.
I can’t hit my sons very well, because I understand their feelings too well. I’ve had a lot of experience that way. So can you scold our sons for me instead?
I hope you have a lot of property so we can build a big house.
I don’t care much for appearances, as long as you don’t look like a mangled dog.
When our children grow up and marry like I want to marry you,
We will move to the country and visit many beautiful places, taking photographs of ourselves for memories. Ah! I don’t like taking pictures, but I will take them with you for our memories.
By the way, I’m not even sure if you exist or not. Because I might not even marry. I might be martyred for my beliefs instead. I think that life would make me just as happy.
Um. I thought this letter would be very hard for me to write, because I can’t imagine how you look like or what your personality is like. But, when I picked up my pencil, I found unexpectedly many things to write about.
Have good health and wait for me until we meet.
Then that day, my future wife, I will write to you again: I love you.
Some people are clinomaniacs who never seem to quarrel with their bed. Others are insomniacs who prefer to spend all nights up with the computer. But as for me and my bed, we have always had a love-hate relationship. When I was younger, I hated it. I was the typical girl who needed a glass of water, then a trip to the bathroom, then a night-light, then a goodnight kiss, then a farewell party to all my teddy bears, before I could finally curl up reluctantly in bed. I drove my parents to screaming with frustration with my propensity to read books secretly under the covers or spend all nights typing down my favorite stories. “You mustn’t stop a writer when she is under the influence of divine inspiration,” my ten-year-old self said with infuriating loftiness. I deserved quite a spanking when I was younger.
Since entering high school, I have learned to enjoy his company in class and find solace in his warm, addicting embrace. But sometimes, sleep turns from being an unconditional friend to a malicious torturer. I lie down and think, “I’d better sleep now,” and my brain whispers, “No, let’s remember every single stupid mistake you ever made in your life,” and I say helplessly, “Okay.” And when physical exhaustion comes gently to aid, and closes my eyes to block off the whispers of guilt, they appear ever more vividly in the turmoil of nightmares and writhing dreams.
I dreamed about my first love last night, how he looked at me with set mouth and cold eyes and walked away.
I dreamed of my best friend cutting off all contact with me and disappearing from my life.
I dreamed about my mother and her sad eyes of disappointment.
I dreamed about my little sisters, how they screamed as they were carried away by knife-bearing murderers, and I – helpless to stop them.
I dreamed many things.
These days, when I dream, I almost wish I could go back to childhood. Turn on night-lights, drink water, chase away the dark. Because sleep carries fears buried alive in my heart, fears that will never completely go away.
“the problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” -charles bukowski
so many lions in the world see themselves as mere kittens, while so many cats mistake themselves as lions.
Hello! I hope my dear, darling readers aren’t sick of my self-pitying love poems by now. I hope you don’t think I’m always a mourning, depressed girl who goes around sighing, “The pain, the pain! Eternity with you!” all the time. Because I’m not! Honestly. To prove it, I’m going to write on an uncharacteristically brighter note today to compile a list of all my favorite literary characters I would totally have had a crush on if they were real! And believe me, if you read these books, you’d probably fall in love with them, too.
Number 5: Lupin from Harry Potter
image courtesy of wallpoper.com
The air of mystery. The melancholy darkness. I mean look at him. The refined quietness and dignity with which he wards off dementors, mentors the Chosen One, and organizes the Order of the Phoenix? Wow. And I love his studiousness and intellect, which is solid but not show-offy. The badass behind the brains. He’s always been my personal favorite from the adults in Harry’s life.
Pros: Sensitive, mature, and kind, he would know just the right words of comfort to say in a sad situation, teach me how to fight well, and keep a cool head in every crisis.
Cons: We wouldn’t really be able to enjoy any moonlit dates together. Plus, Tonk would probably put an Unforgivable Curse on me if I approached Lupin. Which wouldn’t be the best way for me to wheedle myself into the wizarding world. Alas.
Number 4: Rudy from The Book Thief
There is nothing so wonderful as loyalty. Every time Rudy defends Liesel and stands staunchly by her side, my heart warms toward him as it rarely does toward any real-life boys, and I was devastated when he (SPOILER ALERT) died without getting his longed-for kiss. His sweetness and unwavering steadiness, his ability to be flippant and teasing even in the midst of really serious situations, and his devotion all combine to make him a childhood favorite of mine.
Pros: Rudy would be the most loyal boyfriend ever. He’d jump into the river to fetch my books and he’d probably be really good at kissing. I mean, he spends half the book begging Liesel for a kiss.
Cons: Maybe Rudy puts a little too much importance on kissing…I’m not a big fan of rushed skinship at a young age, starched-up though it may seem, and we might get into conflict over how much is too much.
Number 3: Henry Tilney from Northanger Abbey
“Oh! What a Henry,” Jane Austen wrote in shocked but affectionate disapproval of her dashing brother. Her Henry-characters are all so crush-able I wonder if sometimes she modeled them on her favorite and most charming, if not the most principled, brother: Henry Tilney and Henry Crawford are both a bit wonderful. Henry Crawford’s adulterous affair at the end of the book, though, kind of put me out, so I’ll rhapsodize over Henry Tilney here.
Pros: Conversations would never flag with him around. We’d be able to discuss history and novels with flippancy, wit, and laughter. Well, maybe most of the wit would be on his side, but it would be fun just listening to his opinions, they’re so pithily expressed! He’s clever and kind and affectionate, and I love the way he treats his sister Eleanor. You can tell a lot about a person from the way that person treats his sibling, and his teasing yet considerate attitude is adorable. I was also touched by his quick forgiveness and honesty towards Catherine Morland, even when she practically accused his father of being a psychotic murderer. Clever, mature, and forgiving—what more could a girl want?
Plus, I personally always thought Darcy was a stuck-up jerk. He might have gotten better in the end, but I still had yet to see him really burst into laughter. So (forgive me, loyal Pride and Prejudice fans) I’m much fonder of Henry.
Cons: Catherine Morland and Henry Tilney are such a cute couple I would never want to break them up. Ever. Even if it means that I’ll have to weep solo with my twenty-something cats and die a lonely death.
Number 2: Dylan Chu from Akeelah and the Bee
image courtesy of this source:)
Okay, I know he probably doesn’t count as a literary character since he only came out briefly in a movie. BUT I love him sooooo much. Just look at that earnest, studious expression on his face. It’s so attractive. So wonderful. So absorbing. And he’s…maybe not exactly literary, but a vocab genius! That’s got to count, right?
Pros: He’s so honest – when Akeelah tried to (SPOILER ALERT) make him win the spelling bee by sacrificing herself, he refused to take that chance, and ended up winning fairly. As the winner of the National Spelling Bee, he would know just the right diction for me to choose when writing poetry! We could play Scrabble together by candlelight and he would roll his eyes if I spelled xanthosis with a z. With our shared love of the English language, we would unite and CONQUER. Yes!
Cons: His father’s the typical “tiger mom” – I mean, dad. The stereotypical Asian parent who insists that his son must academically be the best, always. Not the best father-in-law. Plus, Dylan would probably snort at my awful Scrabble skills and scorn me for not being as clever as he is. *Sob*
Probably not. Fine. Without further drama, then, my favorite of favorites <3…..
Number 1: Alyosha Karamazov from The Brothers Karamazov
image courtesy of bobangeba at deviantart
(on the left: Alyosha, listening earnestly; on the right, his brother Ivan, who’s giving him a major lecture about atheism)
I love Alyosha. I hope that doesn’t make me weird. He’s thoughtful, kind, very handsome, and patient beyond belief. He listens to everyone’s sorrows with deep sympathy, knows just how to say the right thing at the right time, and extends his love to drunken old men and arrogant kids alike. I also loved the fact that although he was a Christian, it was his life, not his words, that made all the other unhappy characters in the novel grow encouraged and inspired. It makes me really sad when Christians judge their friends, saying vehemently, “You’re going to go to hell if you don’t stop sleeping with that guy, or if you don’t come to church, or if you don’t stop smoking,” but live in so careless and depraved a way themselves that their friends shake their heads and say, “If that guy’s supposed to be Christian, I must be on the highway to heaven.” Although Alyosha never says a single word first about God throughout the entire book, his infinite patience, unwavering goodness, hopefulness, and willingness to help and listen to anyone in need makes his twisted family all think once more about the fundamental Christian tenet of love in action. I hope that, like Alyosha, my life will be able to shine with a love and kindness that will encourage many to hopes of starting anew and finding happiness and meaning in life. I hope that, like Alyosha, I will be able to extend my hand to anyone in need and an ear to anyone struggling with sorrows they have no way to vent.
Pros: I’ve been squealing about Alyosha for the whole paragraph above, so I won’t elaborate any further except for one thing: he’s good with kids. I really liked that about him: he’s warm, friendly, and open, and doesn’t discriminate against people through social status or reputation or age. He would probably be a wonderful father.
Cons: I never really understood his relationship with Lisa. He seemed to ask her to marry him more from pity at her unhappy situation and gratitude for her love for him rather than because of any genuinely romantic feelings on his part. And she’s, like, the most disturbing character in the book. 0_0 Especially when she slammed her door on her own finger and stared at the blood running down her hands, whispering, “I’m a wicked creature.” Uh, hello, Alyosha? WHY in the world are you going to marry HER? Marriage is supposed to be a joyful and life-changing part of life, not a social service!
Other honorary mentions:
Percy Jackson (yes I love him and I don’t care what criticisms you may have to say about Rick Riordan’s books because Percy Jackson in himself is awesome)
Kolya from the Brothers Karamazov (he’s only thirteen but I first fell in love with him when I was reading the book at thirteen so I don’t think I deserve to be blamed)
Dmitri Prokofych Razumikhin from Crime and Punishment (his warmth and unselfishness is wonderfully endearing)
Sherlock Holmes (need more be said about his intellect?)
Peeta from The Hunger Games (oh Peeta, your loyalty is heartbreaking)
And finally, Claudius from I, Claudius.
I LOVE YOU GUYS. SO, SO MUCH.